DSC_00342So every night, around 9:00, or as I like to call it, two drinks in, I NEED to write.  Some nights I have something extremely important to write about, some nights, not so much.  Tonight, I have so much on my mind that I’m lost trying to sort it all out.

We’re busy, always, who isn’t? You can be busy living or dying, but whatever you choose, you’re busy, and most likely, extremely preoccupied by doing either one or the other.

Over the last couple weeks my husband Jay and I have been living, hard, harder than usual.

We served up apps at an Alzheimer’s Fundraiser.  That night I met so many amazing people I thought my heart might explode.

Jason then learned how to roast coffee, a crash course, but of course, he never crashes.

I then received word that my local community theater group, the Stone Arch Players, received the grant I had applied for to hold a children’s theater camp next summer.  Yep.  I got weepy.  Even more so when I attended the awards ceremony and gave a speech about what the camp meant to me, in front of a room filled with like-minded people.  The Players are family to me now.  Representing them in any way is an honor and a privilege. One I don’t take lightly.

The next day I shot a clothing line for one of my closest friends, another honor and privilege.

A friend and I then cleaned out my new photography studio, lending the bits and bobs (by that I mean beds and televisions) left behind by the former tenant to the amazingly creepy haunted trail my theater group is throwing for Halloween.  Heavy lifting wasn’t optional…

I was starting to feel the pressure.  When I remember back to being on lock down, working behind a computer, crunching numbers all day (Seriously, I know that  sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.) letting therapists in and out of my home and staying on premature baby red alert at all times, this kind of pressure should have seemed like a cake walk, but I was feeling it.

I don’t want to let anyone down.  I don’t want to say no to any request.  I live for the moment someone might need just that little extra dose of energy to push a project over the top… but I was tired.

I was painting at my studio when I started feeling light headed. Did I eat today? – Probably not.  I’d worry about it when I got home.  My knees buckled a bit.  My stomach was queasy.  Truth be told, I chalked it up to ‘cramps’ and blew it off.  It wasn’t.  My body was actually telling me it was pretty damn beat.

A friend stopped by.  Good.  I would stop, sit and run my mouth a bit.  She said I look tired.  Eew.  I swore I was going to chill out and hang back for a few weeks.  I pounded my chest (figuratively’ish’) and claimed I was going to take it easy’ish’.

Right. Two minutes later I got a Facebook message asking if I would speak at the First Adoption Celebration Day in Mifflin County as a proud adult adoptee.  I sank to my wobbly knees, in the middle of a room filled with paint cans, wet brushes and paint splatter, tears rolling down my face.

No chance.  No chance would I say no.  No chance would I put limits on my time, ability, sanity…

I thank my husband for supporting me everything I do, participating in everything I do and understanding why I do what I do.

This is not a woe is me; I’m so busy speech.  This is an, ‘I’m so grateful and humbled to be a part of so many amazing things’ speech.

But, the caveat (of course), if I should fall short on my emails, messages, phone calls etc.  I swear to you, things will slow down soon. Hahahahahaha! OK, how’s this, I swear to you, I will get there.  I will get there because nothing I volunteer for, throw out there professionally or tackle for my kids or simply for creativities sake would come to fruition or mean a damn thing without the support of my friends and family, far and near.

Thank you to everyone who accepts me for who I am, realizes that I’m completely nuts and knows, full well, that I never answer my phone but still loves me anyway.

Now, I’m going to bed… riiiiight.