SAPI’m not good in groups. I quit anything that lasted more than 15 minutes, five classes (OK three classes) or wouldn’t allow me to take over immediately, tout suite.

Am I proud of that?  No.  I wish I had been.  I might have experienced theater, an organized sport, or something even more remarkable… patience, way back when.  But alas, if I wasn’t in charge, the chance of me being a part of ‘organized anything’ was nil.

I was in 4H because I ran for president the first year and won.  I took sax, cello, jazz, tap, ballet, square dancing and gymnastics lessons.  They lasted about as long as it would have taken for me to run home and bash them on Facebook (if it had existed at the time).  Thank goodness it didn’t.

In college (for the 4th time) I asked my communications teacher if I could go the group project alone.  The professor patiently and logically explained to me why that would completely defeat the purpose.  I, not so patiently, explained why I refused to do all the work while a bunch of entitled teenagers went drinking, contributed nothing, and received the same stellar grade.  How strange I didn’t graduate that time either…

For the first time, in a long time, I’m trying to belong.  I’m trying to help without taking over.  Those, currently embroiled in my overwhelming enthusiasm and passionate pleadings, will laugh when they read that.  I don’t blame them.  My husband and friends will surely giggle too.

At 40(one) I continue to remember what it was like to have that happen when I was in high school.  Even at this age I continue to be excluded from groups and added to groups.  The hurt, the ‘who gives a $h!t’, the wonder of why people just can’t get along, still remains.

It’s been pointed out to me that I’ve become slightly shorter these days.  My fuse seems more easily lit.

To all my friends, that will work for us.  I promise.  To the people who don’t quite understand my particular brand of crazy passion: too bad.  I’m a girl on a mission to finally belong and for the right reasons.   To the people who accept me for who I am: thank you for knowing that what I want is not to be right but to be available for change, a good fight, a task no one wants, a cause that never went away but became more than the dwindling few could carry…

I will never quit.  I will never walk away and I will be there for any group that has the vision, the open mind and crazy heart to let me be a part of who they are.

SAP